Back to work...

I am back to work after 3 months maternity leave -this is my third week back. If I had written the first week, the tone would have been ok, happy to be be back and enjoying a change of pace. Missed Lola, but doable. Second week, not so much. I guess it set in how much I miss her, how tired you are at the end of the day, and how little time I get with her during the week. Monday and Tuesday are good, Kevin keeps her on Monday, she goes to the nanny on Tues but he is still there during the day, and we usually meet for lunch. By Tuesday night it gets stressful, he is gearing up to go into the office at 10PM and will do that through Friday night. So Wed-Friday mornings and evenings I am on my own.

It is doable, and many families have far more stressful lives. But this is not how I pictured it would. We need a change to happen so life can be normal again, we can wake up together and go to sleep together, that would be nice. Thank goodness for a happy, sweet baby. It's as if she knows we have these obstacles, and she wants to be a good girl and not any trouble for Mommy and Daddy. She is so sweet, I told her last night when she fussed "It's ok to cry." Why is this baby so good? I don't deserve her…

So I know it goes from easy to harder and easy again. Working moms probably stay on this rollar coaster of emotions

Family Ties and Happy Father's Day

I think Kevin had a great first Father's Day. We went to Lake Keowee to meet up with BJ/Allison/Matthew/Katherine/Lily while they were visiting Rick and Leslie at their lake house. So much fun. I had seen the kids in Janurary so they hadn't changed much, but was so surprised to see how grown up Rick and Leslie's two girls were (Caroline and Emily). I take more notice of girls since Lola, and we had a house full of them- Matthew is the lone boy of the group, but he handles it well.

The entire weekend was great, and the right thing at the right time. Aside from being great hosts and having a fabulous house and lake set up, they are just a very tight knit, great family. When you consider the textbook way to raise a family and enjoy your kids, this is it. Their situation has evolved because you have two sisters who are best friends, and husbands who have been in the mix for a long time- BJ and Allison had a wedding anniversary that weekend too, how about 18 years! Jeez… so they have been family and entertwined for longer than they have not. Even though I have siblings- BJ/Mandy/Hallie, we are all worlds apart for many reasons- age, geography, station in life -and Kevin is an only child. So we left the weekend mentally processing our family unit and how it will evolve now that we have Lola. In a brief conversation during the weekend, BJ told me "Kevin and Lola are really your family now" and I undersand what he meant. I understand a lot more now since this baby- in fact, I think I have had more clarity in the last four months than I have had in most of my adult life. But ironically, I am a bundle of mixed emotions about life, the future, the past. How is that?

I think Kevin walked away seeing two guys, who are not so much unlike him, professional and career focused, but at the end of the day they are defined by their role as father. I think that is the case with Rick and BJ, and I suspect it will be the case with Kevin. Maybe he has found his calling?

Happy Father's Day Kevin...

Lola Boo

So I am officially in love with Lola, affectionaly nicknamed Lola Boo. I have to confess, this love was not immediate- in fact, the last two months have been consumed with my need to adjust and absorb her, understand her and know I can do this and she is ok. Those fears interrupted the expected overwhelming feelings of love, which were there, but not consuming. That has changed, and now when I look at her I feel it in my bones.

I could list the dozens of things that are so amazing about her- her little chirps, the smile I am seeing so often now, how much fun it is to rock her every night before bedtime. How everyone seems so drawn to her when we are out and about. She is so special, beautiful, and consistent. Her temperament is perfect, she complains very little and just seems happy to be alive and loved by Mommy and Daddy. Could I have asked for a better baby?

Who knew how much fun she would be, and how much Kevin and I would love her so much? All the parents of the world were right, you just don't understand until you are in it.

Everyone needs an Aunt Lola

I got the most beautiful crocheted baby blanket from my Aunt Donna, for whom I am named. It is pink with a green border and just adorable. It will be cherished as much as the other pink crocheted bedspread she gave me, originally made fo my Grandma but passed on to me by Aunt Donna shortly before Grandma's death. Both are cherished...

So my Aunt Donna and my Aunt Jana have been especially wonderful to me throughout my life. I spent many summers with Aunt Jana and she still remembers my birthday and sends cards for Valentine's Day and Easter. Always so thoughtful...

Aunt Lola had the same meaning for Patsy, so when she reminised about her so often and with such fondness, I remember thinking how much I loved the stories, and the name. Hence Lola Grace was chosen, Grace for Grace Wynn, another beloved aunt. My friend Olivia has her Aunt Mandy, and I am sure I know lots of girls who had thier favorite Aunt. Grandmother's are special and revered, too, but maybe there is something different about an Aunt, more like a sister, I don't know. A great Aunt is just special, fun.

Daddy's girl

I have been replaced by another woman :) Kevin said he wanted a girl first, and I don't think he could be crazier over this baby. For someone who had little or no experience with babies, he is a natural. Feeding, diaper changes, playing- you name it he does it without any hesitation.

Funny story- he kept her while I was at a Jr. League meeting, and they took a trip out for dinner (ambitious for a 1st time Dad!). Apparently Lola wouldn't keep her pacifer in her mouth and he dipped it in sugar and gave it to her. When he texted me that night I thought he was joking and laughed with my friends at the meeting. Turns out he was serious...

It's a small world...

Another cool thing about the Nashville trip, we randomly ran into Bruce/Jen/Derek/Casey/Marnie/Todd- Jenks crew in the Nashville airport! They are all high school friends of Kevin's and I know them from attending Bruce and Jen's wedding last September. They were going to a wedding, guy from Jenks but can't remember his name. I was at the baggage claim and there was Derek and Casey just standing there, it was too funny. We just couldn't believe it! Small world

Nashville with Grandpa, Grandma and Aunt Hallie

So we flew to Nashville for Hallie's graduation from Vanderbilt, and a first visit with Dad and Wendy. Lola was an angel- not a peep on the plane either way. But when we got there she wailed from being hungry, so that was Wendy's first encounter with her.

So her first plane trip, hotel stay, and college graduation. I told her to pay attention at the Vandy ceremony because we exptected great things from her.