Back to work...

I am back to work after 3 months maternity leave -this is my third week back. If I had written the first week, the tone would have been ok, happy to be be back and enjoying a change of pace. Missed Lola, but doable. Second week, not so much. I guess it set in how much I miss her, how tired you are at the end of the day, and how little time I get with her during the week. Monday and Tuesday are good, Kevin keeps her on Monday, she goes to the nanny on Tues but he is still there during the day, and we usually meet for lunch. By Tuesday night it gets stressful, he is gearing up to go into the office at 10PM and will do that through Friday night. So Wed-Friday mornings and evenings I am on my own.

It is doable, and many families have far more stressful lives. But this is not how I pictured it would. We need a change to happen so life can be normal again, we can wake up together and go to sleep together, that would be nice. Thank goodness for a happy, sweet baby. It's as if she knows we have these obstacles, and she wants to be a good girl and not any trouble for Mommy and Daddy. She is so sweet, I told her last night when she fussed "It's ok to cry." Why is this baby so good? I don't deserve her…

So I know it goes from easy to harder and easy again. Working moms probably stay on this rollar coaster of emotions

Family Ties and Happy Father's Day

I think Kevin had a great first Father's Day. We went to Lake Keowee to meet up with BJ/Allison/Matthew/Katherine/Lily while they were visiting Rick and Leslie at their lake house. So much fun. I had seen the kids in Janurary so they hadn't changed much, but was so surprised to see how grown up Rick and Leslie's two girls were (Caroline and Emily). I take more notice of girls since Lola, and we had a house full of them- Matthew is the lone boy of the group, but he handles it well.

The entire weekend was great, and the right thing at the right time. Aside from being great hosts and having a fabulous house and lake set up, they are just a very tight knit, great family. When you consider the textbook way to raise a family and enjoy your kids, this is it. Their situation has evolved because you have two sisters who are best friends, and husbands who have been in the mix for a long time- BJ and Allison had a wedding anniversary that weekend too, how about 18 years! Jeez… so they have been family and entertwined for longer than they have not. Even though I have siblings- BJ/Mandy/Hallie, we are all worlds apart for many reasons- age, geography, station in life -and Kevin is an only child. So we left the weekend mentally processing our family unit and how it will evolve now that we have Lola. In a brief conversation during the weekend, BJ told me "Kevin and Lola are really your family now" and I undersand what he meant. I understand a lot more now since this baby- in fact, I think I have had more clarity in the last four months than I have had in most of my adult life. But ironically, I am a bundle of mixed emotions about life, the future, the past. How is that?

I think Kevin walked away seeing two guys, who are not so much unlike him, professional and career focused, but at the end of the day they are defined by their role as father. I think that is the case with Rick and BJ, and I suspect it will be the case with Kevin. Maybe he has found his calling?

Happy Father's Day Kevin...